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On this eve of Easter, the celebration of Christ’s return from the dead, I felt it was apropos to discuss the long controversial subject of where eggs and a bunny fit into the whole scheme.

As we know, the Lord was crucified, a rather unpleasant experience, after which he was buried in a cave. He chilled there until the third day when he woke up, a bit cold but well rested and ravenous. Considering the events of recent days, he figured strolling down the hill to the diner probably wasn’t the best idea though he was amused by how people might freak out when they saw him. Anyhow, he still felt it was best to lay low for a bit. One way or another, there was nothing to eat in the cave so he got busy moving stones which were blocking the entrance until daylight started poking in.

Looking out through the opening, he spotted a bunny bouncing by and said, “Psst, Ernest. Over here.” Being the son of God, he knew all creatures by name.

Ernest stopped, hopped over to the opening, saw Jesus and exclaimed, “Praise the Lord! You ain’t dead!”

“Sshhh!” Jesus replied. “I don’t want those crazy buggers to find me. Can you get me something to eat? I’m starving.”

“Sure thing,” Ernest agreed. “Whatcha feel like eating?”

“I’ve got a yearning for an omelette,” said Jesus. “Think you can round me up a few eggs?”

“Not a problem, my Man,” Ernest replied with that smooth confidence bunnies are known for.

“Just be careful,” Jesus warned. “I don’t want anyone finding me so don’t do anything to raise any suspicions.

“No worries, Christ,” the bunny laughed. “This is Ernest you’re talking to.”

On that note, Ernest hopped over to farmer Jones’ place to score some eggs for the Lord. Knowing that a bunny bouncing around with eggs might indeed attract some attention, he took a few moments to chew up some carrots then some parsley into fine pastes which he smeared on the eggs to disguise them.

On his way back to Jesus’ cave, a couple of soldiers noticed Ernest hopping along across the road with his coloured eggs.

“Hmmm, don’t you find that strange?” the first soldier asked the other suspiciously. “I ain’t never seen a bunny with eggs before.”

“Those ain’t eggs, ya durned fool,” scoffed the second soldier. “You ever seen eggs with green and orange stripes before?”

“You’ve got a point,” the first soldier sheepishly replied as they returned to their duties of keeping the town safe.

And that, folks, is the origin of Easter eggs and the Easter bunny.