Claude Bouchard Books

A popular topic of late amongst writers, be it in blog posts or group discussions, is bad book reviews. To clarify, I’m not referring to solidly supported constructive criticism which could, in fact, help a writer improve. I’m talking about those annoying one star reviews one finds on Amazon and other sites which are without substance and just plain vicious, cruel, nasty and destructive.

The question which I’ve heard or seen asked over and over on this subject is, “Why do people write such bad reviews?” The purpose of this blog post is to answer precisely that question, allowing writers to understand why they shouldn’t take it personally or feel victimized when they receive such a review. What follows is a partial list of reasons why people write such bad reviews.

• To start, it is important to realize that those who post these reviews are unattractive. I don’t mean simply average looking here, I’m talking about damned ugly. Even their mothers find them ugly. The kind of ugly that makes one shudder and often evokes screams of terror.
• Their living quarters, if we can call them that, are highly uncomfortable. Dark, damp and musty basements, cramped attics with no ventilation and so on come to mind. Their heating is faulty and they have no air conditioning for warmer periods. Their water heaters, if they even have one, don’t work most of the time. This, incidentally, partially explains why they generally smell bad.
• Their IQs are below average. This is clearly demonstrated by their lack of comprehension when they try to read as well as their absence of writing skills. They are further plagued with a limited vocabulary which explains why they often use a word like ‘stupid’ or ‘terrible’ half a dozen times in a two line review.
• They rarely, if ever, have sex. If they do (i.e. If they can find someone who WILL accept their money), they either suffer from impotence, premature ejaculation or do not attain orgasm.
• They hate kittens because they are intimidated by them. They kick puppies for similar reasons.
• They feel inferior to everyone and everything they come in contact with because, let’s face it, they are.
• They have no friends because they are very dislikeable.

So, fellow writers, the next time you get such a review on one of your works, take it in stride and have pity because you are much better off than the moron who wrote it.

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