|Posted by bigceebee on November 1, 2013 at 11:50 AM|
I was recently interviewed by U.K. author, Simon Duringer, the partial results of which are posted on his blog here: Simon’s blog
I mention partial results above because one of the questions, or more specifically, the discussion which ensued, showed a dark, near-demonic side of Simon which he cleverly omitted to post in an attempt to hide his true colours. Little did Simon know, I had secretly kept a record of our exchange…
I’ll show you, Simon Duringer, you maniac!
A rare photo of madman, Simon Duringer, no doubt doing something nasty.
The text in blue below is Simon’s question and my response as posted on his site. The black text which follows is our subsequent conversation which this evil fiend hoped to keep from the world…
Simon. You agree to be dropped off by plane to spend the rest of your days in Canada's Torngat Mountains. A cabin has been made in advance of your arrival and you will not be left wanting for food, water or fuel to keep you warm. What three personal items would you take with you and why?
Item 1: My computer.
Why? I need it to write.
Item 2: My Kindle.
Why? I need it to read.
Item 3: My Mil Mi-26 long range helicopter with extra fuel storage.
Why? I need it get the heck out of there when I want to.
Simon: Uh, you can’t bring those.
Me: Why not?
Simon: The computer and Kindle would require electricity and the bi-plane I hired to fly you out there couldn’t airlift that helicopter.
Me: But this question is fictional and so are my responses. I would never agree to spend the rest of my days in Canada's Torngat Mountains. The climate there is likely the worst anywhere in Canada. There's a reason why nobody lives there.
Simon: Uh, who said anything about this being fictional?
Me: What? You’re telling me you really have a cabin waiting for me in the Torngat Mountains?
Simon: Yes, that’s correct.
Me: And there’s no electricity?
Simon: Of course not. It’s in the middle of nowhere.
Me: Are you crazy? The next thing I'll find out is the cabin has no insulation either.
Me: Oh, Jeez… No damned insulation. Did you at least have a door put in or is there simply a hole in the wall?
Simon: It’s not that big a hole so the wind barely gets in. Give me a break. I was on a budget.
Me: I'm starting to think you're trying to kill me up there. If I don't freeze to death, a polar bear will eat me while I sleep.
Simon: Oh, right, the polar bears. You might want to bring a gun instead of your computer. It would also be handy for hunting caribou.
Me: Hunting caribou?! You said I wouldn’t be wanting for food!
Simon: You should be fine. There are a lot of caribou up there.
Me: And what about water and fuel?
Simon: More than enough snow to melt when you make a fire. A lot of trees too. You may want to bring an axe instead of that Kindle.
Me: I’ll tell you what, you damned psychopath. Since your bi-plane can't lug my chopper over there, we'll just fly in my chopper instead. Once we get there, you can live in that damned shack you call a cabin and see how you like it.
Simon: Ha! Who’s crazy now? Okay, forget about Torngat Mountains, you party-pooper. Let’s move on to the next question. We’ve wasted enough time with your silliness and I still have my world domination plan to complete before going to bed.