|Posted by bigceebee on July 13, 2012 at 2:00 PM|
You may not all be familiar with the Subway Monkey as I believe the restaurant chain only uses the despicable creature in its Canadian television commercials so here is what the ugly primate looks like:
Now, I’ve always wondered who the moron was who came up with the brain-fart idea of trying to sell submarine sandwiches via a computerized mechanical chimp version of Chucky. I won’t even get into a discussion about the idiots who then approved the concept.
Regardless, the point is, I hate the goddamned ape, I feel it should be destroyed and I would happily do the deed. I therefore present you with the
Top 10 Things I’d Love to do to the Subway Monkey
10 – Spend 10 minutes of quality time with it and a chainsaw;
9 – Drop a shipping container filled with concrete on the little gibbon;
8 – Strap a leash around its neck attached to the back of the car and drive from Montreal to the Niagara Falls;
7 – Untie the leash from the car, tie it to an anvil and toss it into the Niagara Falls;
6 – Soak the miserable simian in gasoline and fire up the blowtorch;
5 – Cut it up in thin slices using a meat slicer at a Subway restaurant;
4 – Feed submarines made with the slices in #5 to the dimwits who came up with the ape idea;
3 – Without giving away specifics, this one involves vice-grips, a nail-gun and a hammer-drill;
2 – Pop-rivet the monkey to the front grill of a crash test Mack truck and crash-test the hell out of it;
And the Number 1 thing I’d love to do to the Subway Monkey…
Shove a FOOTLONG of C-4 down its throat and explode the spooky bastard!